Observations on the First Day of School.

Today the boy started 5th grade. His last year in the elementary school. Next year scares me in so many ways. Best not to dwell on it so far in advance.

If summer is a state of mind, yesterday it definitely left. The skies were overcast and though it was still hot, the light had a dreary fall quality. The boys went off to a movie and I went shopping. Something about buying the boy new socks and underwear on a dreary day just felt like the end of the fun.

I slept like crap last night. The combo of back to work, back to school and starting the new gym left me restless tossing and turning. I did have a bit of a revelation on Saturday thinking about my gym anxiety. I was thinking about a guy that went into the school open house bitching and bitching about the sno-cones. There's no sno-cones allowed in the building but they serve them at the open house. You either finish before going inside or you have the sno-cone when you're finished inside. He was ranting about no sno-cones in the building. It finally struck me that it wasn't the rule that bothered him so much as that he screwed up and got corrected. There was no sign, and he didn't know. I suddenly recognized that feeling of helplessness. Not knowing what the right and wrong are. I have that same feeling about the gym. I don't know the rules. I don't want to be wrong but really the worst that will happen is I'll feel a little helpless and dumb.

Feeling all fortified with that knowlege I thought about what I'd do at the gym this week pre-orientation. I figured I could probably work a treadmill even without instructions, so that's what I did. I programmed it manually this morning for what I thought was a moderate pace and tiny incline. Turned out to be way too slow a pace. But by watching a guy in front of me I saw that I could up the mph interactively, so I did. I'm thinking tomorrow I'll make it a little more challenging. I'm just trying to decide if I should try the hills or random programs. I want to, I just need to make sure I keep the mph at a walking pace I can do.