Insight.

I've been quiet lately because while I have a lot to say it's often things better off not said.

I'm having a hard time with things I read lately and I realized today what it is. It's a me thing. I see in so many people the tendancy to hash the same things over and over, to repeat the same mistakes over and over. Just like me. I'm frustrated for them but mostly for me. All the self-insight in the world doesn't seem stop me from making the same mistakes over and over. I make them even if see them happening. Even if I know I'm making them. Even if I aknowledge them to myself. But I keep going. Nothing seems to give me the will to stop. That's frustrating.

On the other hand I was driving along today and had a random feeling of great comfort. I'm not sure if I mentioned before that I discovered the Treasurer of the PTA graduated in the same class I did. (Nearly 1000 students so it's not hard to find someone you didn't know you was there too.) After I found that out I immediately went to the Senior Yearbook. She was easily found. I didn't stop there, though, I took the full turn down memory lane. What I found in the back was a full page ad she and her BFF's took out to memorialize their friendship. It had all their pictures and some poem on friends. When I saw it my first thought was "oh you were one of them".

Randomly today I thought of that ad. I also remembered the part of the conversation where she said she and her friends got together and rented a limo for the last reunion. They got together and made it a girls night out. She was musing on the marriages, divorces and the way they all had changed. But today what I thought of was how nice and comforting it was that they are still friends. They still had everyone's numbers and they still enjoy getting together. Maybe they aren't still best friends, but they are still friends.

I don't have that kind of relationship with any high school or college friends. Funny how I find it comforting that someone else does.