Light bulbs.

Yesterday I was pissed enough at my spouse to look at the price of houses in my zip code. I won't upend my boy's life by moving somewhere else but I always thought I could probably get something in our area if I couldn't stand it any more. I now stand corrected. I might be able to get a tiny little townhouse for what I anticipate my price range would be if I were alone. So, I took a long hard look at things yet again. I need to suck it up. I need to be a little more interested and involved with hubs, I need to call him on his bad behavior. I need to find ways to get along in this situation because totally uprooting the boy is the only alternative.

Bulb #2.
I was watching tv last night and caught the end of "Supersize Me". I had a feeling it might be something I should see, but I've never gotten around to it before. It was eye opening.

Now as background I have to say that since last summer's weight management program I: 1) regained all 17 pounds I lost, 2) I lost part of it again in march/april and was down 11 pounds, 3) I regained 9 1/2 of those by june, and 4) I lost 8 of those again by mid-july. In mid-july I had a triple whammy of the boy's suspension, my back injury and TOM. I fell off the wagon again. Change that, I leapt off.

In the weeks since I've been ravenous, I've been moody (everything from angry to depressed), I've started wheezing. And this last Wednesday night I was sitting on the couch and had some lovely heart palpitations. I know that it's time to end this food cycle.

So I come into the documentary on day 22 at 2am. Morgan is having trouble breathing and he's having heart palpitations. That caught my interest immediately. By the end he was going over his mood changes and other symptoms. The light bulb that went off was more of a klieg light.

When the boy was suspended I distinctly remember thinking that this kind of crap always happens when I'm happy. And I was pretty happy. I'd been cruising along for a couple weeks feeling pretty darn good. (Coincidentally those were the couple weeks I'd been doing WW again.) I was blaming my bad mood on the circumstances but maybe I need to look much closer at how the changes in my food intake (ie: stress eating) affect my ability to roll with the crap life hands me. I should not be thrown into a 3 week tailspin by a single event. Except that I was.

Taking a tiny mental leap, I can't help but wonder; are people nastier, more self centered and more unhappy these days because they aren't eating right?