AHA!

Periodically in Group we talk about having an AHA! moment. I think I had one yesterday. I think I've figured out my current weight loss stumbling block. And I came to it from a suprising angle too.

I can't even remember when it lept into my brain yesterday but it was a single thought - "My brain is starving." I was thinking of how bored I am at work right now. I was thinking of how little interaction and total lack of conversation I have with my spouse. I was thinking of how few friends I have and I haven't seen them recently.

It's not too far a leap to realize that my brain is starving but it's my mouth that's getting the input. That wasn't the suprizing conclusion. It's the weight loss group. It's not doing anything for me anymore because it's not all that interesting. I can sit here Tuesday afternoon at my desk and give a basic rundown of what will happen Thursday.

The doc will ask how the week was. It will be the livewire or the martyr that will open. Livewire will have a triumph or two but will lament her inability to plan. Martyr (if she comes) will speak of a moment that was defining for her in some way but will get back to how hard it is. The sweet quiet British lady will say things were ok but she needs to watch her portions. The mall lady will be doing well and feeling well, she will highlight some thing she did for her. The pampered wife will talk about meeting her friends but only having a little wine and say she exercised 3 times but she really needs to make a better commitment to it. The diabetic will say a little and shake her head a lot - it's hard is her refrain. The guy will say everything was adequate and he's staying the course (very business like). What I say depends on my mood at the time. I wonder if I try too hard for attention there. The homework will follow along the same lines. The goals for the week rarely change.

I'm bored with it too.

Just like I did really well on the first WW - then changed classes because the lady pissed me off, and got bored (it became too much trouble). Or maybe the second WW when I loved the class but then they transfered the leader and I got bored stopped losing and stopped going. Maybe Atkins - I went like gangbusters I was on 3 online support groups. I was making online friends I was losing. Then one board broke up, one became dominated by a single (annoying) user and after I met my friends from the 3rd board they stopped coming around so much (because the were successful). I got bored and suddenly it was too much trouble.

I look at my most successful losses. The very best was when I bought my house. I had things to do every day, things to learn too. Once I moved in the losses stopped. Second best was when I had my way to close to death experience followed by my hurry up and live phase. Then I got a steady hobby and a steady boyfriend and the losses stopped. After that it's always the first 3 months of any diet attempt. I do my best then get bored. The groups I use for support stagnate and so do I.

Now here I am. I was very excited at the start. The first 8 weeks were intense and interesting. The next 4 were unsteady but I was still interested and highly motivated. The next 4 were busy for me and a bit less successful due to stress. In that time 2 things happened - we merged in another group and I started to see the patterns that don't change. From there on out I've been spinning my wheels. I do well then poorly. Up and down. I've blamed it on mood but that is only part of it.

I know now that this group isn't feeding my brain. I realize now that I miss the old guy with his very different outlook, the whack job with more problems than weight and the skeptic who held so much back. They were the spice. I know the group too well now and they are boring. It's always the same excuse or the same trimuphs over and over.

Now what do I with this knowlege?