More Introspection.

More of the same - abandon ship it's pretty boring.

I was happily meditating on my bored revelations when I swapped back in my standard self label of lazy. Many times I've been called on that one but I've always maintained it to be true. I was musing on that and realized it probably isn't true after all. I am the unfortunate combination of easily bored and easily overwhelmed. I'm also pretty hyper self critical so it's a bit of a viscious cycle.

I need enough to keep me busy but not so much as to send me off the deep end. Small jobs that are challenging are good as long as they aren't so challenging that I don't have a chance of doing a job my inner judge can stand.

No wonder I'm squirrelly. I'm pretty conflicted for an apparently mellow individual. The only outer symptom is fat. Eating is sensory, keeps me busy, and gives my inner judge something to beat myself up over.

I also had an important epiphany on my reluctance to do things away from the family. Lately I have been feeling very guilty about my one evening out per week. Hard to schedule other interesting things if they require being somewhere else - particularly on a school night. I generally won't even consider a second evening out(except for PTA meetings and I fed the boys before that one). I think it's related to the boy becoming more dad focused. For the first 5-6 years of his life I did every damn thing. I went out without regret because I needed it and deserved it.

Now since I go to the gym in the am the man handles the early morning coordination. The boy dresses himself the man gets lunch and breakfast prepped. The man also picks the boy up in the pm and handles homework. I come home and cook and then the man handles bedtime (per the boy's preference). Seems my designated function in their lives right now is cooking and laundry. I'm not through mentally chewing on that one but it's an interesting thing. Plus when it comes to the non-routine stuff the boy and I do plenty together. I'm probably just up against an inappropriate self imposed standard again. I have a lot more of those than I realized.

Blah, Blah, Blah. I'll try to find something more intersting for the next round.