What I don't want to be.

It's frustrating sometimes to me, to meet someone who is everything you think you want to be. I think it's instructive, however, to meet people who are everything you don't want to be.

Of course the point of this is that I have met such a person. She is in the WM group. She is 8-10 years older than me with a child 6-8 years older than the boy. She works on computers and sits at a desk for a living. She is in the program because health issues have started to creep up like blood pressure and cholesterol. There are many things about her that could easily be me. I often hear things she says and think we have parallel lives.

I don't want to be like her. She is me at my worst personality-wise. She doesn't want to exercise because she did it for 3 months and didn't lose a pound. She claims to not really eat much and doesn't understand why the weight won't go. She won't or can't challenge the negative thoughts she has. She is daring the program to fail.

I so don't want to be her. I want to work on the bit of my brain that is down and isolates me. I want to exercise because it feels good. I want to make the best choices I can everyday - with the complete understanding that I'm not perfect. I want to keep going because even if it takes the rest of my life it doesn't matter. There's nothing better I could do and the time will pass anyway whatever I choose to do with it.

Damn, I think I've found my inner optimist.