Growing Good Men.

I often wonder what kind of a man my boy will be. I imagine that he will have some of his father's traits. We do, after all, learn what we live. I know he already has some behavioral traits of mine that I would never have chosen for him. I know it's my job to shape the man, but I sometimes wonder how.

It makes me think of the children of 2 of my co-workers. They are within a year of each other in age. One has been arrested, never went to college, lives a pretty wild life, and drives a fast car that he got drunk on his 21st birthday and wrecked. The other is in college, never been arrested, though his dad doesn't talk much about his lifestyle - it doesn't sound particularly wild. Strangely though I'd choose the first boy any day. He is polite and hard working. The other boy has quite a chip on his shoulder. I think it was placed there firmly by his parents.

Young man number 2 has a learning disability and ADHD. His parents favorite stock phrase is "it's not Matt's fault". They've apparently used this key phrase to deal with every bump in the road. The result is that "Matt" can't seem to take responsibility for anything. They got him a summer temp job here. He worked for a day and a half. He was sullen and rude, and he dressed like a punker. He left in the middle of the second day and just never came back.

The other young man took over for him (I really think his mom talked him into it). He wasn't sure this was what he wanted to do, but he really didn't have anything else to do so he came. He wore a tie, was incredibly polite and worked very hard. Sure that was his mom pushing some, but his pleasant attitude made him a favorite immediately. That was 2 years ago and when the temp job ended they found a way to get him another job to keep him.

It's that whole combination of taking responsibility and being responsible that I really hope my boy can achieve. He's terrible at it now. If he writes messy, it's my fault for making him nervous. If he hits someone, there's something they did to cause it. He never wants to take responsibility. Those are our worst fights because I refuse to let him off the hook. I only hope it helps.