A put up or shutup kinda person.

Getting pissed at work is very bad for the Deb. Having no good outlet for the anger is even worse. I dove into a bag of junkfood, puffed up like the water balloon that I am and woke up 2 pounds heavier. Hmmm, I believe that's what we call the wrong direction.

Amazingly DH understands the work/junkfood connection for me. He even acknowledged that I need stable and non-irritating work for weight loss. He has been a darn nice hubby lately. Not without fault and generally sans clue, but darn nice.

So I've been thinking about what bugs me about work. And since I've always been a put up or shut up person, I've been thinking about whether I want to brave the stormy waters of the current economy. It's a real dilemma. Of course I can always look without leaving. I'm a year from vesting in the 401k - lack of vesting cost me a bundle at my last job.

Conclusions?

Well the condescending a**hole is one thing. I mean, after all I am not stupid. No matter how waffly I get due to my insecurities I am not dumb. And I'm not 25 any more. And I find it supremely irritating for someone to be talking to me like I'm a child while telling me to be more professional. Except for the foreign languages he speaks (for which I have almost no aptitude), I could probably do the vast majority of this guy's job with a week or two training. He is, after all, a glorified salesman. And one with sparce personnel management skills at that. I'd like to see him figure out my job in a week or two. That mental picture gives me quite a smile. He is, however, the big boss and he appears to be here to stay. Yuck. Can't change that one.

Which points to bossman aka bobble-head. He definitely has issues from his childhood. Now it's like he's been asked to join the club, a good one where the leader has a treehouse for meetings. He thinks he a hotshot and it shows. He has made it clear that our purpose is now to support him in "the best opportunity of his professional life". I have no doubt that if push came to shove he'd throw us in the fire before he'd weaken his position (no matter how many times he tells webguy that he saved his job). And like the kid in the club he no longer has time for his "old friends". If I can get 5 minutes of his time for business that's an eternity. He's so busy playing upper management he no longer has time for the little things, like his real job. Can't change that one either.

Things are changing and my job could get interesting. Could get awful too. I have no idea which. I believe the layoffs will come. It's just a matter of time, and they seem to be taking theirs. There's no decision point here.

On the plus side, I can mostly hide in my office and do my own thing. Hardly anyone bothers me, but it can get boring and lonely. I am, however, enormously experienced with both boring and lonely. Bossman talks all the time about potential payoffs for us, of course I'll believe that when I see it.

I guess then that the conclusion is that I don't have one. I should probably start scanning the want ads, but I really hate the job hunting process. I wish my life were flexible enough that I could drop it all and pursue something completely different. Unfortunately that's just not going to happen (sigh). I just hope this doesn't start keeping me up at night.

TTFN.