Theories.

First off I want to go on record as being very jealous. Next time I want a whole week in London so that I can see all the fabulous things I missed last time! Theo, hope you had a great time.

So I've been thinking again (scary, huh). I must have too much free time. Anyway here's one of my many theories on life (and believe me, I've got a million of them).

I think people have this little internal framework that they try to hang their lives on. It may not be the best fit, or even smart but internally we are drawn to that framework.

For instance I know a nice lady who grew up in the neighborhood with me. She had this nice idea of a perfect life. Nice house, nice husband, stay home and raise the kids. The kind of life where the kids are pretty well adjusted but no one sits on the living room furniture. One day she realized that her husband was never there and after agonizing divorced him. Then after some suitable period basically married the next guy that she dated. Even though her impressions of him initially were not complementary at all. Her life was not complete without the husband in the equation.

I think it's the same thing that drives webguy to be planning to shack up with his honey by the end of the year. He's been married twice and she'll probably be number 3.

It's also supported, I think, by the people who have a life altering crisis and make a complete shift of direction. I think the crisis shakes them out of their framework. It's like they see that life is too short not to live a dream.

I think that my framework was built to a great extent by my parents (although I don't think that is the exclusive origen of such things). It's based on the marry forever, work hard, favor security over fame and potential fortune, built slowly then when you hit a level - park. It drives so much of me. It's very ingrained in how I manage my work life. It's why I have trouble dreaming big dreams. It's why I stay with DH despite the fact that I have less and less in common with him. I still live reasonably happily here, it is a comfort zone after all, but there's always a nagging feeling that there ought to be more.

So how do you learn to dream big dreams if you've never done it before?