DebSiobhan.Diaryland.Com |
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Now Then Say Howdy About Me Guestbook Moved - 2007-07-16 |
2001-08-16 - 7:40 p.m. Family Torture Night. Wherein I am expected after a full days office work to prepare a meal for my husbands siblings (and their children) in exchange for chicken helper or some such at their houses on subsequent Thursdays. I'm sure this was a great idea when they started it, that doesn't mean I have to like it. I came, I cooked, I conquered. And it wasn't a damn hamburger helper! It was a good old-fashioned dinner. Roast, potatoes, beans, and rolls. Now I am tired. Sometimes the sibs are entertaining - but we really have nothing in common except my husband. These are not people I would pick out of a crowd to be friends with. One is a divorced, self-employed mom who is alternately complaining about no money or no man. The other has become obsessed with community theater (it's not just a hobby, it's an obsession). They used to ask me to do things (besides dinner night) occassionally, but I think they've given up on me. Said dinner also means that I must again see the niece "intern from hell" as she's referred to at work. She has been gone since last week when the webguy told her to go home if she didn't have anything else to do and oh by the way don't bother to come back. I knew she was on his nerves too, I just didn't know the depth of his dislike. Now don't get me wrong - family is good, family is fine but weekly is too often in my book. I see my family once or twice a quarter - major holidays and birthdays, that sort of thing. It feels sufficient for us. Why does my husband need to see his sisters weekly? He barely has a conversation with them when we're together! Sigh -End Rant- In other news: The shoulder itches so it must be healing, of course all the skin around the actual stiching is completely toast due to the bad effects of bandaids on healthy skin.
I have had a terrible case of 'almost vacation' at work leading to very little being actually accomplished. Unless you want to include the many fascinating diarys I've stumbled into. I really have to try to lose some weight. I haven't looked in a week or so, but I have a hunch I'm nearly back to my alltime high weight again. DAMN! I really need to reprogram my system somehow. My clothes are not fitting and I'm getting distinctly uncomfortable. I have to figure out my approach. I really need something that will work long term. This is obviously going to be a long term proposition. I don't think I can go back to Atkins, despite my successes 2 years ago. One problem is the principle of 'golden opportunity', it works stunningly the first time but never as well on subsequent tries. I've already seen that in action this past winter when I went for my second try. I also don't think I can commit to low carb forever. I actually even briefly considered surgery. I considered right up until I started reading the memorials on the support pages. I just don't think I'm willing to risk death in the pursuit of weight loss. Whatever I choose, I know that somewhere in the rattletrap I call a brain there is a switch that must be flipped or this will never work. It must be labeled commitment or something. When it's on everything works and works well (40#'s at weight watchers, 50 on Atkins) when it's not I am just wasting my time and money. I am searching all the corners of my brain for that little switch, and I'm just not sure what the magic key is. Intellectually I'm primed - the numbers take care of that, Physically I hurt - which should be motivation enough, but I just don't feel that emotional commitment that I associate with success. Part of me says just do it and the rest will follow. I just don't know. On one hand I really need to be successful, on the other hand I really don't care that much. Damn those split personalities. I think the magic brain switch must be hiding over here in don't care land. Nothing in my life changed when I was 50 pounds lighter except my weight and some clothes. I imagine that nothing will change if I lose weight again. I'm just not sure that the end result bears up to the effort of losing. Yep, that looks like the switch. Just my luck it's one of those plusses & minuses kind of levers. Must be the old Astrological sign - sometimes it sucks to be a Libra. As always, out of balance!
"The beauty of grace is that it makes life unfair." -Matthew Thiessen |