Take a deep breath.

The email came first thing this morning and I could feel the panic rising. Despite everyone's agreement that it is not appropriate for me to be on call for the Apps group and the promise that it would be taken care of, there it was the reminder that I was on-call.

I could feel the panic attack I had last time floating just below the surface. The problems on machines I can't access with systems I know nothing about. This week would be far worse as practically everyone is off or away. There's a struggle between the panic and the part of me trained in my youth to 'not be a baby'. I troop over to my bosses office. I say you told me you fixed this. He hops up and talks to the keeper of the list.

I come back to my desk and wait. Nothing has happened, what if they don't correct it. Do I suck it up and take the calls and panic and feel useless? Who do I call if there's a problem?

Finally around lunch time the email comes. The on-call schedule has been corrected. I breathe again realizing that I'd been practically holding my breath. Then my stomach starts hurting. I think it will be a while before the tension passes.