Deep Breath.

I have a meeting with the shrink today. I'm somewhat apprehensive. The last visit sent me into a bit of a mental tailspin so this time I have to lay it out.

I thought long and hard about depression and medication. I've come to the conclusion that I am by and large depressed. It's part of who I am. I don't think I need to start a life time of medication to get over something that is part of my personality. It's something that I just have to live with and when it's weighing on me to get over.

I really did a big mental battle over the idea of medicating. I'm basically lazy and the idea of a magic pill to make me all better is very appealing. Except that the make it all better part is conjecture. And the whole warning on anti-depressents for teenagers because they sometimes make send them over the edge rather than helping, would be equally valid for adults from what I've read. I ride to close to the line to risk something I want to help hurting me instead. I think I'm better served if I apply whatever mental tools I have to working through it.

Now let's hope I can convey that in an intelligent and non-hysterical fashion.