Reasons

It seems simple enough, but it's been hard to do. Emotional reasons to lose weight are easy to come by. The whole cognitive behavior therapy and body image training, however, shows me that the emotional reasons are a slippery slope. The big non-emotional reason is health.

So I did my due diligence. I currently have no major health issues. One of the docs said simply 'but you will'. She then gave me a statistic that I found unbelievable. She said that a BMI over 30 will lower your life span by 1/7. So I checked it out. And it was in fact wrong. The fact is that a BMI over 30 will lower the lifespan of a non-smoking white woman by 7 years. Take the average life expectancy of 77.2 years and suddenly you're dying at 70.

If that's not enough there's a whole raft of aliments for which obesity is a statistically significant factor. I have already have borderline high blood pressure. Weight and age are the strongest indicators of hypertension. They are predictors in all ethnic groups, societies and in both sexes. Additionally obesity is a factor in everything from Diabetes, Heart Disease and Stroke. For the discomfort factor pain is shown to be greater in the obsese. The obese have greater incidence of infection and decreased immune response. It's even implicated in carpal tunnel syndrome.

Pretty depressing. So why do all these health reasons have so little impact on me? I think it's because my obesity is an emotional issue. That's why the emotional reasons to lose weight always have a greater impact. There's the problem. When I go back to the logic I can refute all the emotional reasons. Emotionally I'd like my life to change in certain ways. I'd like to think that losing weight will help bring about some of these changes. The cause and effect isn't there, though, and I know it.

I've been down the emotional path a lot. My gut tells me it's partly a respect issue. The world isn't kind to fat people. In the end the soul searching has been far deeper than I expected. The conclusions, however, are pretty darn obvious. My life changes all hinge on my abilities, my confidence and, in short, my self image. Right now the ole' Deb image sucks like a Dyson.

If I'm totally honest that's why I really want to lose the weight. It's tied to winning. To doing what (almost) no one believes I can and will do. I have to admit that in my life I've never worked hard for anything. I've never really challenged myself. It's far easier to accept less and have it be good enough or easily explained away as not actually trying.

I know the Docs would be twitching on that one. They'd say my self worth shouldn't be tied to it. I should inherently know my value. That's not reality. It's not even the weight so much as the victory. Wanting it and working for it and actually achieving it.

Will I feel this way tomorrow? I have no idea. Will I be able to make it to a "healthy weight" on these reasons? Who knows. For now, however, the on-off switch is in the on position. And that makes everything easier.