Weight Loss, Husbands and Happiness.

I am prompted by yesterday's entry and a guestbook message response to address this. I've thought of addressing it before, but now I think I may be giving a bit of the wrong impression. I think that of everyone LA will understand this best.

My marriage is not unhappy or divisive. I wouldn't say I'm satisfied but that is something different. My husband is not my soulmate or my best friend or even a great catch. Which is not to say that he is not a good man or a good husband, because in many ways he is both. It simply means that he does not meet my wants and needs. Did he when we married? - I thought so. Whether that was a misconception or my needs have changed I just don't know. Will I stay married to him forever? - I don't know. I rather doubt it but only time will tell. Will I stay married to him for now? - absolutely.

There are reasons for this, good reasons I think. I have a personal philosophy, you see. Every choice in life can be subject to a cost benefit analysis. To that I apply my values. One of my key values is that when I had a child my primary duty became rear him as well as I am able. For me that means I must subject all my considerations to what is good for me and what is good for my boy. In fact, one of my primary complaints about my husband is he does not apply this thinking at all. The man thinks first, foremost and sometimes only about what the man needs and wants.

But he really is a good father. For the last year or so he has even been transitioning into the primary caregiver for the boy. I did the first 5 years almost exclusively. We had a bit of back and forth for the next 2 but now the boy is chosing him and the man is accepting that.

That change is bliss. From a purely selfish perspective I have no desire to be a single parent. I don't see much benefit in that for me or my son. And really my husband doesn't in any way deny me freedom to do what I want.

It would be easy to blame my husband for my unhappiness. To be perfectly frank that would assign him much more power over me than he has or I would ever give him. If I've learned even one thing through the WM group it's to challenge that kind of thinking. Nope, I'm my own harshest critic, my bossiest parent, and the holder of my unreachable standards. In shrink speak I have a very well developed (maybe even over developed) SuperEgo.

So why am I having trouble with the weight loss now? Part of it is fatigue. It's not easy to give up 40+ years of habits. Another reason may be the lack of a clear goal. I can not say I want to weigh less or "a reasonable amount", I need to have a more concrete goal. If I'm nebulous how will I ever judge my progress fairly. I also need to separate my weight loss issues from my lifestyle issues. Losing weight won't bring me money, friends or happiness. That's a whole different set of issues to address.

Really, the only thing weight loss can bring me is better health. You'd think I could find a goal there, wouldn't you.