Choices.

This box has been sitting open on my desktop for a while now. My fleeting bits of inspiration have been so boring that I haven't been willing to commit them even to this ephemera.

I'm tired lately. I'm tired of the weather. I'm tired of the lack of focus and leadership at work. I'm tired of the boredom associated with my home life. I'm tired of the million little inconsequential decisions that I have to make. I'm tired of the PTA. I'm tired of other people's angst. Must be time to start the Vegas countdown. 23 days to gambling in the desert.

I think the problem is that I'm not so good at "going with the flow" as the current situation requires. I'm a person of directness. I like to get down to business. I think if you see something that needs doing, you do it. I believe that problems only multiply when ignored. I'm now among people who care more about the size of their cubicle and the "importance" of their titles than their work. They are good at sparing and dancing and sucking up but not at getting down to business. They are in for a shock because I am a short round woman in a purple fake fur coat. I am NOT subtle. Heck, I called one of my new teammates the designated smart ass at yesterday's meeting.

Not last night but the night before (I feel like I should grab a jump rope after that opening), the husband offered to put the boy to bed. The condition was that the man had a show coming on in a bit so if they were going up together it had to be right then. It was in the middle of what ever half hour show the boy was absorbing from the tv. Naturally the boy said no. He was into that show. As it ended he absorbed that he had let an option go. He asked his father if he could change his mind but it was too late. And I got to put the mad, sad, wound up child to bed.

After he stomped and fumed and sniped at me for the entire "getting ready for bed" process. I looked at him and said "get in the bed and go to sleep, you obviously don't want me and I'm not doing anything for you without an apology." Instant floodgates. The things you never think of when you're pregnant include explaining to a very sad seven year old that sometimes you can't have both choices, and sometimes opportunities go away if you don't grab them.

I'm beginning think the adults around me need that lesson too.

Hmm this entry went somewhere after all.