It all comes back to me.

I gave up Catholicism originally as a 20 something because I got tired of the priests yelling at me for things I never considered doing.

I tried the local Episcopalians (Catholic-lite all the ritual half the guilt). I was an unemployed broke 20 something when the church visiting committee stopped by to get my tithe pledge. I allowed as how I gave what I could, but I couldn't make promises. They said "but don't you want to be a member of the church". I said "not if you have that attitude". I never went back.

I tried the Catholics again when I married. Stayed long enough to get the boy baptised and even enjoyed it for a while. Then (like I mentioned yesterday) the multi-media begging in the middle of the mass did me in.

I then tried the Unitarians - great concept, but the local congregation was just too political. They were in the process of bickering over whether their minister was adequate, and doing it in print in the newslettter. Total turnoff.

So last night it was back to the Catholics. Last night as I listened, watched, taught my boy and went through the motions of the mass that are so ingrained they come without thinking I realized why the church doesn't fit any more. I think they've lost sight of the beauty of the ritual.

The church was in what look like a gymnasium. It had fixed pews, so I know it was a permanent church, but the altar was not even raised on a dias. One couldn't see what the priests were doing at all.

The music group was the church's combined folk group and choir. They had a serious case of superstar syndrome. They treated the music like a concert and not like an accompaniment to the mass. They encouraged the people to clap along and they paid no attention to what the priests were doing. At one point when the priests were preparing the gifts they had to stand there waiting for the musicians for 4 or so verses until they could continue the mass.

The congregation was there to watch their kids - two photographers nearly knocked each other over in the aisle jockeying for position. The musicians were there for the audience. I was left wondering who was there for God?

The only high point was the Bishop. He was a very fine speaker. He understood his audience, he was brief, he was funny but he made a clear and understandable point.

So that was it. 70 teenagers being confirmed. 2 hours of mass and interminable music. One restless but well behaved 7 year old. One sister-in-law who was glad to have us and felt supported by our presence. And one realization: I don't dislike Catholicism, I dislike the way the people are practicing it.