On being adult.

It's an interesting discussion going on about adulthood. There's many comments I agree with and a few I don't. I think one can be adult and grown up and continue to learn and grow and expand their horizons. Grown up is not a place of stagnation. It's not always a realization of the shortness or preciousness of life. I think you can be and adult and still live a bit of the wild life. I think that the whole concept hinges on responsibilty. You can be the ass you always were, you can keep making the stupid decisions but in the end an adult chooses to do the responsible thing more often than not.

I think the first time I truely felt grown up was when I dealt with a problem that I would have prefered to ignore. There's no time stamp on that it's just the convergence of knowing what has to happen and accepting that you will have to make it happen.

Sometimes it involves doing the right thing despite pressure. I've never felt more grown up than when I didn't drink at an office outing because I had to drive home afterward. And I stood by that in spite of the pressure from my co-workers that I wasn't being sociable.

Rarely does being grown up or adult cause friction in relationships (unless we're talking about problems with someone living in serious denial of acting their age). The problems usually come with life transitions. Not everyone can understand all the facets of change that take place. And those aren't just about being a grown up they're about all the new choices that you make. If you buy a house the chances are there will be more work to do and less money to spend. This will change the how you interact with your friends and what sorts of things you can do. If you marry you might choose to stay home together more, to choose more carefully your pursuits. As a parent there are a myriad of things to consider including the simple balance of life verses a child's need for a routine.

A major change can unbalance people and their interactions. People may say you've changed when it may just be their ability to interact with your new situation. They may no longer be sure of your willingness to maintain 'business as usual'. For that reason you need to be careful to keep doing, and including those things that you enjoyed before the change. It's often hard to restart the 'traditions' that were lost. Just don't be afraid to discard the parts that didn't fit. If you never really liked folks congregating at your place (for instance), let it go. If you really did like it, recognize that for the transition period people may not know that it's still ok. You may have to offer an invitation when you never did before.

Of course that's just my two cents. As in all things in life your mileage may vary.