Feeling Cared for.

After reading AOD's commentary on being Baroness I got to thinking (I know it's a dangerous thing). Things meandered here and there but from her feelings of no respect I wandered to my feelings of not being cared for. I suppose it's not exactly the right feeling for that context - when you get a position like Baroness you are supposed to care for others not be cared for.

My whole life is like that. The last time I felt like I was taken care of was by my babysitter Mrs A before I started first grade. She took care of me, asked what I wanted for lunch, kept me busy and I felt cared for.

I rarely felt that way at home. My sister is close enough in age to me that care came with need and she always seemed to need it more than me. In seventh grade the science teacher said to me "you look like you can handle it" and I've been handling it ever since.

I hate that. Even when I had the munchkin and my mil and then sister came to help me out, they didn't take care of me. No one actually took care of me. No one made decisions without me no one did anything without direction. No one ever does.

The husband cares only peripherally about anything but himself. He forgot between the evening when I told him and the next morning when I couldn't walk that I had hurt my foot. The child tries but face it he's six - there's only so much he can do.

I can't think of a single instance where someone took care of everything for me. I wonder if I could handle it if someone did.