Self Portrait.

I'm not sure why I was thinking of this today, but I got to thinking of how I would draw my self portrait. Not one of how I look, because while that shapes who I am it does not define who I am.

It started with the silly color test. I got blue, I forget what it meant. The more interesting thing is that I got blue by just one question over white. It started me thinking about how often I seem to straddle the midline. Hellish on grading those personality tests.

I guess in many ways I'm a true Libra - the scales are always slipping a bit this way and that trying for balance.

So who am I? I'm often nearly invisible, but people who know me have told me I can be pretty frightening. Astonishing to me how someone with my nearly paralyzing social phobias can come off as scary to other people.

I can work like the dickens. Completely wear myself out on something, but I'm frequently lazy. I'm organized and tidy because it supports my ability to be lazy more than disorder would. Things have a place they belong, so I put them there. I don't have to think about it or search for them later.

My mind is never quiet. I can't go for a drive to escape unless it's a very long drive. Otherwise that is just prime thinking time. I rarely, however, remember my dreams -- my nightime mind is silent.

I can be content to do repetetive, mindless tasks for hours. But I despise being bored.

I have few opinions, but I tend to be vocal about the ones I have. I have trouble holding my tongue about things of no consequence, but I have kept important secrets for years. I believe in honesty and loyalty. I also think that only a fool refuses to consider changing their mind when new data is presented.

I like to be able to help people. I hate to do it because I feel I have to. I will always do what I think needs to be done without complaint, but I will pile up the silent resentment if I feel that I'm being put upon. I almost never ask for help. I just can't - it's a major personality flaw. I expect that others will also see what needs to be done and do it. (That's one of my thorniest points with DH.)

I'm decidedly middle class, white bread and spoiled. My parents worked hard to get there, they handed it to me on a plate.

I once stood on a bridge and climbed the rail to jump off, but decided I couldn't hurt my parents that way. When the were both dead my first thought was 'what will keep me on the bridge now?'. Then it was my dear friends. Now it is my munchkin. All you really need is one reason on any given day.

TTFN.