After Effects.

I felt ok last week. Sad, pissed, patriotic. I sniffled a bit. I watched the news. I went on with my life.

I thought I was fine, but today when I took a walk at lunch down to the inner harbor of Baltimore, I realized I'm not. I feel a little like I've been in an emotional car wreck. I looked ok, and felt ok. I went on my way, but now the damage is showing up. I hurt inside.

I was looking at the Baltimore Fish Out of Water. I've wanted to do that since the beginning of summer, but then it was too hot to walk. Today they seemed mildly interesting but totally irrelevant. I can't stand the news anymore and I used to read 3 or 4 internet news sites a day. I found myself turning on a cd at work because I could here the admin and the vp talking about the tragedy. I just couldn't stand to hear it.

I feel like I'm not any better or nicer or more patient with my fellow man. Jaywalkers still piss me off and I couldn't even look at the panhandlers today. It must be a tough time to be a panhandler with everyone giving their extra cash to the red cross.

I'm pondering the coming war and it scares the hell out of me. It shakes my core that even my affirmed passivist neice is hard pressed by the horror of it all.

I think I need a really good cry, but for some reason it just ain't coming.