What's it worth to you?

I wrote this big and growling entry that I emailed from work to home but I think I'll just trash it. One of the things that I like about diaryland is that it makes me think. I think about what I want to say (most of the time) and why I want to say it. So when I got right to the bottom of what I wrote earlier, it was all about self esteem.

So here's the thing: the Princess returned to work today after several months of maternity leave. She was there for a whole 3 1/2 hours. I'm sure she's back to full time pay, however. I'm also sure she'll be "working from home" 2 or 3 days a week. Nevermind that she has a 2 year old and an infant and no one is capable of getting 8 hours of work in while simultaneously watching their children. But she doesn't want to spend money for daycare so she "works from home". Can you tell this pisses me off?

I was talking to one of the other guys in the office and grousing about the whole thing. He's just bummed to see her back because he doesn't like her(all she really does is delegate work to others via email). But what came out of my mouth suprised even me. I said that she devalues my salary by doing so little for hers. He took the position that he doesn't begrudge anyone whatever deal they can make. So I started to wondering why it bothers me so.

How can what she does or doesn't do devalue me. I suppose it can't, but it feels like it does. I've come to the conclusion it's just another self esteem issue. I do not have a good internal gauge of my worth, so it is largely based on how I measure myself against others. Naturally if I think intellectually that I'm better than her, but she's getting such a sweet deal, I must be worse than I thought. Or something like that.

And no, I'm not looking for a pat on the head or a pat on the back or even a pat on the heiney. I'm just looking at it from an analytical perspective.

Still pisses me off, though.